What matters most

I really don't intend for my blog to turn into a Sad Fest.  Its mainly just a place for me to journal about our life as a family.  But lately, I feel like Hubby and I are the Lone Rangers at home.  No "kids" to look after.  So we look after ourselves, and lately, I've been trying hard to keep up with looking after my mother from afar.

Yesterday I took a day off from work to visit with her.  My plan was to help run some errands with her and feed her lunch.  We went to the bank, the municipal court building (for her to pay her traffic ticket), and HEB.  We enjoyed a couple of meatball sandwiches for lunch, and I hung out a load of laundry for her. (she refuses to use the dryer)  We searched high and low for a form she misplaced from the insurance company, then found it much later, after errands.  The stacks and piles and scraps of paper, the level of disorganization...it gives me anxiety.  I feel like I am barely able to help her.  Mostly, I just want to spend time with her.  I am trying to focus on the important things like that.

It used to make me cry with guilt and relief when I left her house.  My home and family are so different, and my mother and I are worlds apart in most every way.  But she always looks me in the eye and tells me she loves me.  So I will do whatever I can.  But I worry that the "what I can" will not be sufficient.  I took myself by Saddlehorn on the way home and sat outside and drank a glass of wine - they had just mowed and even in the heat of the day, it smelled heavenly and was a lovely break.

I also decided to stop by the store and get something to actually cook my peeps for dinner - not takeout pizza like I had planned.  (I made bacon wrapped BBQ chicken, a chopped salad, and fresh corn on the cob - yum!)  I saw these funny apple treats and bought a box - they reminded me of when my kids were small and I packed lunches every day.  Someday, they may be in the position I am in.  Will they squabble with each other, or will they do their best, too?  Hopefully, they will remember that we are a family, and that's what matters most.