Well, here we are.
8 1/2 weeks post op for knee surgery. And I still have the occasional panic attack about stepping up or down a stair step.
For. No. Logical. Reason.
Hours after my surgery, with crutches that I barely knew how to use correctly, I managed to climb the steps leading to my front door and step over the doorway. Days after surgery I climbed into our new baby trailer and back down again. A couple of weeks after surgery I managed to navigate the step outside of our patio so I could cut my hubby's hair. So why now, after two months do I have these panic attacks that paralyze me and cause me to make a scene?
I was walking very short distances in my house with one crutch. I was carrying my cup of coffee to my desk by myself. Getting a shower by myself. But somewhere along the line I got it into my head that I couldn't do those things. Someone told me to exercise caution. That set off a chain reaction. The mind is a powerful thing. I became my own Helicopter Parent in my head, hovering and telling myself to be careful.
And it has backfired against me.
So now I have a new mantra - something I clearly need to practice more. It takes a short time to develop a bad habit, but a long time to un-do it. My new daily rule for myself is: "If you've already done it once, you can do it again. And try it at least once!"
Wish me luck. I want tomorrow to be all about watching my beautiful girl graduate from Baylor. Not how her mom had a hard time coping with her knee recovery.