Last week felt pretty poopy*.
But this one has better vibes and a lighter schedule.
I stayed as busy as I could and enjoyed a quiet, cool house (with no Pandora), my scented candle, and minimal cooking.
I don't want to be one of those people who feel like they need to ritual mourn every deathiversary. And I am tired of referring to myself as a widow. Just my Hot Take on it all: it has gotten very old. And keeps me stuck in a place I never wanted to go to.
Instead, I want to take back my summer. Its my time to get some yard work and odd jobs done. (Mr. Lawn Mower Maintenance Guy is coming this week) I want to sit on my deck. Get some sun. Read more books. Take myself out to lunch.
Finish up this photo album project which, as I have written before, is harder than I thought it would be. That's OK, I will take it in small bites until it is done. Then I will spread a puzzle out over this table, and put those albums in the bookcase.
That collage wall is taking me ages to complete, too. I don't have the same Energizer Bunny mojo I used to have. July has sucked the life out of me for the last time.
When I get to feeling this way, I tackle some cleaning and organization. So, goodbye scrubs that don't fit and flip flops that are falling apart and holey socks. I'm going to end July on a high note. And next year, it will start on one, too.
Gina
*Thursday 7/23 was 5 years to the day I lost Mark.
I enjoy your blogs very much, Gina. Thank you for sharing! I’m also sorry about the loss of your husband, Mark. It’s ok to grieve and it’s also ok to move on. You are doing great!
ReplyDeleteMy husbabds birthday woukd be in August. My daughter asked me if we're doing anything for it. Her question confused me because she's been the one to shun memorial events, like last years garden wall for life donars because she didnt want to go through something like another funeral. I think it was her way of asking if I wanted company. You, like me, have identities beyond widow. I haven't figured mine out yet though.
ReplyDeleteHere's to taking back summer!! You go girl. Organizing something is always the answer for me. I think I will do some organizing this weekend:)
ReplyDeleteCleaning and organizing are a good idea for me if I get to feeling blue. Then when I feel better my house is tidy and I can enjoy my life again.
ReplyDeleteAnniversaries and special days are pretty impossible to block out altogether. I think acknowledging it and then moving forward is a healthy way to deal with it.
ReplyDeleteYes, organizing usually gets me going too... though I haven't even been motivated to do that lately. I figure I just have 3 weeks left until the boys leave for college and hopefully I'll feel motivated to start something then.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great you are taking back your summer! You've got a great plan and I have no doubt that you'll execute it. It feels good to get some jobs tackled and also have some summer fun along the way!
ReplyDeleteThose anniversaries are tough, but I agree with the others who say it's ok to move forward if that feels right. There are no rules. Hugs to you my friend.
ReplyDeleteIn June, Jim was gone ten years. My life is so different now, better in some ways, but still a bit sad when darkness falls.
ReplyDeleteI do similar: when feelings sad or out of control I clean and organize, trying to put order and control in my life.
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